dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
