We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
