Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize