I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
