Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
