i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
