Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
