You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
