Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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