i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize