You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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