Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
