He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
