apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
