her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
