True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
