I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
