He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
