Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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