Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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