Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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