Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize