I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
