Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
smell my finger.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
