so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
