so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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