I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
