I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
