tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drake has all the answers
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
