No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
