I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
