if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
