I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize