I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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