i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
