I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
