can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
