hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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