you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
