There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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