We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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