I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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