Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
