dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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