"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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