I cannot find my penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
