Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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