I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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