I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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