capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
