ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
FUCK WHALES
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
