Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
