Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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