I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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