I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
