Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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