I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
