I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
