I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize