i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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