Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
