He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
