I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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