i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
