have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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