dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
