We're facebook friends in real life
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
