Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
