I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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