the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
