on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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