Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
