So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize