be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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