Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
