It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
