I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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