He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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