Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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