YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if only i could text you this smell
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
