I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
