Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
