Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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