Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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