You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
