he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
