things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize