i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
