put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
