I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
