im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
