So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
