also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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