I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
