Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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