im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
