How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize