Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize