it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
